Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Why the First Bailout failed

As you all know, the recent 233 billion gyro-on-pita bailout (note to the the financially-challenged: the dollar is pegged to the gyro-on-pita at the current Sammy's Rate of GOP 1 = $3) of Wall Street is supported wholeheartedly by every single Libertarian, Free-Marketeer, Conservative, Neoconservative, Evangelical and General-Purpose Nutjob*. This might cause confusion as to why the bailout was opposed in the US Congress by the Republican Party, the legislative voice for all the above groups.

After careful review of the evidence, I believe I have the answer. Take a look at Nancy Pelosi's speech before the vote:

Observe closely her right hand. Its all over the place! It twirls! It swirls! It waves and it weaves! Now Nancy Pelosi apart from being a suspected Bene Gesserit, is from San Francisco, home of all manner of deviants, including Wiccans. It is obvious to me that she was casting a spell on the Congressional Republicans, inducing them to defeat the vote that Democrats (the party opposed to the extreme free market ideology) opposed all along.

Pelosi's brazenness in working her spells on the floor of Congress, in full public view came back to haunt her though. Senate Republicans, working quickly to save the free market, passed a new bill that was the same as the old bill except for the addition of 50 billion gyros-on-pita worth of tax exemptions to wooden-arrow-manufacturers (who are of course, vital to the future of the global economy). Pelosi tried to defeat this bill too, but as we all know, spells dissolve in the presence of legislative pork. Enough Republicans freed themselves from the foul magic to switch their votes, and Capitalism was saved!

*All these terms mean the same thing.


Blogger Shriniwas Kulkarni said...

She would play a very good Minerva McGonagall on the side of the "Darth" Voldemort !

Votus Aurius Parachutus!

Did you see the "Jump you F*@kers" banners on some of the buildings across

11:40 PM  

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