My NGO (actually, make that QuANGO)

I have decided to form a new NGO dedicated to a cause dear to my heart. I shall call it The Society for the Promotion of Beards and the Prevention of Shaving.

For too long, my brothers*, we have been in thrall of a pernicious fashion that forces us to deny the truth of our hairy visages. For too long, we have bowed to the power of the Razor regime, the evil Gillette empire that seeks to enslave us in order to secure a permanent market for their infernal blades. (Incidentally, did you know that King Camp Gillette was a Socialist?) Too long have we denied our masculine instincts at the behest of dweeby pretty-boy celebrities and bogus claims of high technology. Far too long have we participated in a bogus tradition designed to avoid beardless sissy Alexander the Great undue embarrassment from comparison to real men.

Enough, I say. No more. Cast off your chains and throw away your razors. Follow the inspiring example of Joseph Palmer, and defy you smooth-cheeked persecutors. Obey the precepts of Leviticus, Mohamed (p.b.u.h.) and Guru Gobind Singh. Rebel against the Man, that clean-shaven bastard. Be different. There are many, many reasons to grow your beard. Embrace one of them. Stop shaving. Join me, and be what you were meant to be.

[* I do not mean to be sexist, I'm just going by probabilities here. Any woman who can meet our entry requirements is welcome to join our Society.]