Yes, Fergusson College has its very own Award Ceremony! Move over all you Oscars, Grammys, Tonys, Razzies and Nappies, the Gymkhana Day Awards are here (someone suggested calling them the "Gymmies" but that's just too ghastly).
Okay, now for some background. Gymkhana Day is the annual gala event organised by our great College's Gymkhana. It is a celebration of all that Fergusson College stands for: talent, integrity, honesty and putting in one's all for certies and prizes of doubtfull worth. And in return for all this talent, integrity, honesty, etc, the college rewards us with certies and prizes of doubtfull worth.
The event, as is always the case, began an hour late. One cannot, in all fairness expect VK "Joylon" Wagh (our principal), the chairman of the Deccan Education Society, the vice-chairman of the Deccan Education Society, the chairman of the Gymkana Management Committee, two chief guests (?!) and our college's General Secratary to all take time out of their busy schedules to make it in time for anything.
Anyway, late or not, the event began. Someone sang the Guru Vandana. The Samaii (lamp) was lit, and then re-lit when it was discovered that some of the guests hadn't gotten to do any lamp-lighting. Then we had the traditional bouquet presentation ceremony. Principal Wagh gave a bouquet to Mr Chittaranjan Kolhatkar, one of the Chief guests. Mr. Kanitkar gave one to Mr. Vijay Sawant, the other Chief Guest. Mr Wagh gave one to Mr Kanitkar. Mr Pardeshi (GMC Chairman) gave one to Mr Pathak (DES Vice Chairman). Anand Godse (our GS) gave one to Mr. Wagh. Mr. Pathak gave one to Mr.Kanitkar. Pardeshi to Wagh. Sawnt to Kolhatkar. Kolhatkar to Kanitkar. Kanitkar to Godse. Gooooooooalllll!!!!! (Readers should be advised that factual accuracy drops off towards the end of the paragraph.)
(PS: After all this, an extra bouquet was found, which was quickly given to the Secretary of the DES, Mr. Kakatkar.)
And then, the speeches. Principal Wagh gave one in which the most intelligent thing he said was, "I am not from this college, I am from different college, I am from SP College." Mr Sawant gave one in which the most pertinent thing he said was, "In the old days, Fergusson College dominated the academic results with only the occaisional Sanskrit or Logic topper from SP College. What say, Principal Wagh?" (Translators note: Some of the venomous sarcasm in that sentence was lost in translation. My apologies.) Then Mr. Kolhatkar spoke at length about putting a lot of effort into your acting. Mr. Kanitkar spoke about how much money the DES has, and they are going to spend it in schemes that totally do not interest us. Mr. Pardeshi spoke about how Fergusson College won a lot of awards in various sports tournaments. And after each speaker spoke, Mr. Patankar (the MC) attemped to translate the speaker's Marathi speech into English ("Like he said...").
Finally, they got to the part everyone was waiting for, the prizes. The Physical Education teachers gave one to everyone who had ever worn a Fergusson College jersey ("Mumble mumbe mumble Nanded, mumble mumble mumble badminton, mumble mumble Priyanka Vyavahare!!"). The prize given to these worthies was a Fergusson College jersey. Then Mrs. Kelkar, our Cultural in-charge, gave a certificate and a momento to all the members of the Fergusson College Cultural Committee. Students who had achieved extraordinary achievements in the cultural sphere were also felicitated. Finally, having run out of bouquets, certies, momentos and jerseys, the revellers unwillingly declared the ceremonies over and adjourned to another part of the campus for a free dinner kindly and unwittingly paid for by the UGC.
And thus, ended the 2005 edition of Gymkhana Day. Three solid hours of sitting in a non air-conditioned hall in unconfortable seats listening to mumbling bozos waiting for one measly certificate. Hopefully next year I will get two. I can't hardly wait.